Driving Cars with Youths

Driving and Youth, words synonymous with the fears of parents and general frustration and dislike from the rest of the motoring populace. But those feelings aside, I find the whole subject rather fascinating.

Today as I was walking around the place I am staying at now, I saw five skinny, lanky and goofy looking teenage boys cruising around after school, stuffed into the cab of a 70s Chevy single cab truck with a mismatched door and big tires. They were laughing and goofing around, just bumbling around in this old truck in a very small town with not much to do.

It was something I used to do, and loved doing, when I was in high school . Not that I am terribly old, but it was a decade ago, and for some reason, I miss it.

Which leads me to ask, what the hell happens to us? As we grow up, why is the joy of driving lost? Work, collage, families, marriage, etc etc etc I do know comes with this “Growing Up” phenomenon, but why lose the joy of driving? I know some people have it, those with hot rods or sports cars or motorcycles even, but I don’t know if it is the same feeling. Mostly it’s because of the cars, I think. If you have a vintage muscle car or motorbike, you maybe have a sense of accomplishment or the knowledge that you worked hard (I hope) for that luxury. It is hard to be excited about your driving experience on a daily basis when having to drive a boring minivan or drab domesticated sedan. Admittedly, there is something that isn’t exactly inspired by that.

Which then takes me back to young drivers…

So unless your parents are footing the bill for everything (which I personally hate with a passion), gas, insurance, upkeep, and are throwing down a hell of a lot of money on a really nice set of wheels, chances are your first vehicle isn’t going to be spectacular. Mine was a 1987 Dodge Ram 2wd with a six cylinder engine, crank windows and a tape deck. It wasn’t exactly a Ferrari. It was red, though…

Point is, that old truck was something you’d expect a grandpa in a nice cul da sac neighborhood to haul his lawn mower to the small engine mechanic, some planks for the deck, and a few bags of potting soil for his wife’s garden. It wasn’t fast or flashy, nor impressive in the slightest.

But, It was mine. And that truck represented that one crucial thing that teenagers love: Freedom.

Every single time I turned the key, I was the most badass guy in the world (least I thought so). I certainly drove it like it was a super car.

Luckly for me and the insurers and everyone else on the road, that truck could just about get out of its own way....and that was it. But no matter! The radio worked (sometimes), it was pretty (to me anyway) and it was my gateway to all the fun I could have! Joy with vinyl seats and plain steel wheels! And I would be willing to bet that every young driver felt that way when getting into their Pontiac Grand Am or Ford Taurus sedans or tired Jeep Cherokees. Doesn’t matter how bad it was (and I saw some pretty pathetic junkyard rejects) that car was the ticket to all sort of possibilities. Adventure! Independence! Freedom!

WTF happened, then? You would think that being a grown up and being able to afford something nicer then a pathetically underpowered Eagle Talon that smelled like old McDonalds fries would be a boon to your happiness. Make you feel even more awesome, or simply just enjoy the day a little more.

It saddens me to think, though, that we have lost this feeling in the years following high school. Now it’s all thoughts of work and collage and money and stress and no time, etc etc etc… Do these feelings die when that old car gets wrecked or breaks down for the last time? Why does that dream of being free because you have a set of wheels fade when that first car ends its days rusting in the scrap yard?

Sadness.

I hate being a grown up.

I want my fun back.

Pickup Trucks

Pickup Trucks

Such a fantastically wonderful beast this is. You can haul furniture, cargo, groceries, your dog (the most important thing, in my opinion), a trailer or your other grown up toys in them. They are work

I have to ask then, wtf has happened to the breed in the modern age? vehicles, daily drivers or the once in a long while rig that lives in a barn or under a tarp for when you need it, and are one

of the most recognizable parts of American culture.

Today, trucks are almost akin to Mercedes or Cadillacs. Trucks built wholly out of glitz and chrome lumber around town with their shiny paint and their fancy wheels and car-like ride

.

BUT WHY? Trucks were never meant for that life. I see some truck rolling on 25 inch rims blasting some Puff Piddly or what the hell ever and I just want to vomit. And there are always the ubiquitous “Small penis” jokes that accompany the trucks that are 300 feet high with

monster truck suspension and huge exhaust for the fire breathing engines that can barely lug them around. I just don’t understand it. Isn’t this why luxury cars and muscle cars were invented? To be status symbols? To show you had a lot of money?

And before you say anything about a truck being a symbol of a farmer or rancher’s wealth, I have to say that I always associate the big white caddy with steer horns with either oil or cattle barons. A truck is for work. And besides, so you have enough money for a really nice truck to work your farm….why buy a second to toodle around in and pretend to be important? That’s what fancy cars are for!

But, enough of that, I am more concerned with the new trucks…. about the last 15 years... These trucks, I have found, have no….soul. I personally own a truck that is 30 years old. It is drafty, rides rough, loud, made of real metal and has the aerodynamic efficiency of an Ironclad battleship. The siy cylinder engine, carburetor, old style clutch and clunky shifting transmission all give the truck character that you can speak to. Simple, effective, simple...again... No glitz, no

shiny chrome, crank windows…not even a radio. Like an old fighter plane or bomber, an old pickup has a spirit. It was designed to be a work vehicle, not a sports car. And like those old planes, they are used in ways they were never meant or designed to be: as tractors, veterinary tables, hunting benches, ladders, storage units…the list could go on. But there is some sort of joy that comes from turning that key and hearing it fire up, slotting the lever into gear, and taking off down the street with a heavy snarl. A vehicle to chase adventure with, an old classic that is unique and stands out in a crowd, but isn’t pompus or ridiculous. Dispite the fact they were built to work, old trucks are pretty classy rides. And I mean old ones. My 30 year old Dodge truck is on the very edge of classic, but redone trucks from the 60s, 50s,

out into the 1920s are all just gorgeous to look at and wonderful to drive. They don’t handle well, or are the most comfortable, but that is no matter, because you don’t expect them to be. These are the trucks in country love stories or hillbilly music, the steeds of hard working people, the ingrained image of rustic America. These trucks, these have character.

New trucks, they simply have no soul. You get in and drive and there is just…..blah..Just “Well, have to pick up some ply wood and two by fours” , no “Ha, this is fun!” like you get in an old truck.

Its kinda sad...

One of the greatest things....RUINED....

I am, of course, talking about Top Gear....

For those of you who do not know, Top Gear is a fantastically good TV show from Britain, where the three presenters James May, Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond whimsically drive, thrash, bash and entertain us viewers with their antics in cars. Be it doing something ridiculous (The Budget Cop Car Episode), wildly adventurous(the Bolivian 4x4 Challenge) or down right ground breaking (Driving to the North Pole in a Toyota Hilux), The Original Top Gear from the BBC is one of the most entertaining and greatest shows ever to grace the TV. You actually enjoy what they do, what they say, and for people like me (with taste and a brain between my ear parts), we wait with baited breath for the next episode of this charismatic bunch and their automotive antics. Truth be told, all three are guys that I would love to have a beer or several dozen with and shoot the breeze on anything with a motor.

Then came Top Gear America...

Now, I do understand there is an old saying that goes like "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" or something like that, but this does not mean that such a thing should occur.

Top Gear Australia, for example. I have watched a few episodes, and some I have enjoyed, some have been So-So, and some I have passed over to watch something with Zombies in it.

No offense to the guys who host it, or the show itself, but I just....I'm just not feeling it. I just go "Eh" and find something else to do. Why? I don't know. Maybe its the camera work. Maybe I just don't like the challenges....I don't know, but it doesn't attract me.

And I imagine that there are other versions of Top Gear (insert random country name here), but I just don't really care to see them.

But then the worst of the worst happened: Top Gear America.

IS.

HORRENDOUSLY.

AWFUL.

The fact that I wish for this blog to be somewhat family friendly is the only reason this page isn't littered with vile and profuse explicitives and obscenities to go along with my three word description.

Which still isn't an adequate description.

This version of Top Gear is just sickeningly bad. The presenters are seriously the most idiotic and bats*%t stupid people I have ever had the misfortune of seeing. Seriously, if these guys know anything at all about cars other then cars most of the time have four wheels, I will eat my leather boots. None of them are likeable, I am pretty sure the short guy was picked to be this show's version of Richard Hammond, and no reason else, and you are left with a chunky Itailan guy with an ear torturing east coast accent and a dickish demeanor, and a fat guy in glasses with a dickish demeanor and the intelligence of a Chia Pet. None of them show any sort of interesting attributes, and none of them show any sort of maturity what so ever.

I know that the Original BBC Top Gear hosts are a bit immature and goofy at times, but it is not painted all over their show and faces and challenges like a bad tattoo or disgustingly grotesque and derogatory graffiti   painted on a train box car like the American Top Gear bunch.

The shows themselves are not very good either, hosts or not.

I have watched.....3 episodes, and each one has thoroughly annoyed me. The challenges aren't even original really, the newest episode that hasn't offically aired yet, to prove a point, is a blatent and poor copy of the BBC Top Gear Homemade limo special, right down to the open top limo and the one made out o the front halves of two cars. Seriously, they have to even copy the original show's ideas, and pass it off as their own. What a bunch of losers...

Number One, the Great American 4x4 challenge. Admittedly, one that I think they may have come up with on their own. Absolute crap. If one of the host's American made truck fails, they are doomed to drive a Toyota "Jihadist" pickup.

Here is the first example of the show's failing: This toyota pickup the hosts must drive has a Solid Axle swap, probably an engine swap, and has been so heavily modified as an off road vehicle that it probably can't even be called a Japanese truck.

In addition to this, the two trucks that break down, they break down and NO EFFORT IS MADE TO FIX THEM, or limp them, or tow them, or anything.

To make a point, BBC Top Gear's Africa Road car special, Jeremy Clarkson's Lancia Beta fails once a day, only to be forced back to life with some tinkering to finish the challenge, and Richard Hammond sank his Opel Cadet, towed it out of the water, and FIXED it. And this is pretty much par for the course on ALL of the original Top Gear episodes.

Dear Rutledge and the other two American Top Gear morons: Its called a tool box. Should be used, I don't know, when a car breaks. Make some effort you sissies.

NUMBER TWO: The GM Peoples Choice Car Challenge. The hosts take two American Made GM cars and a Pontiac Fiero and do a series of challenges to see which is the best and which GM, now owned by the American people, should build again.

Um, Way to rip off the BBC Top Gear British Leyland Special. The show challenges, all the same. No use of any imagination here... All I did was roll my eyes and grimace.

NUMBER THREE: The Great American Pickup Special. The hosts each bring a one ton American pickup truck with duel rear wheels, extended cabs and big engines, both gas and diesel. The contenders are a Ford F350 Super Duty, a Dodge Ram 3500, and a Chevy 3500HD Silverado. All decent trucks, but the three trucks the presenters brought were essentally all Cowboy Limousines.

The challenges include a drag race, a burnout contest, a hill climb, and then the presenters screw around by pulling down some powerlines, a small tarpaper and sheetrock house, and a railroad tender on wheels... None of which were actually decent tests to show the truck's pros or cons, or if they where, these three morons were too busy screwing around like methhead squirrels or those dumbshit rich kids who thrash their vehicles because mommy and daddy will buy them a new one.

Granted, the Big Pickup is sort of an American Only kind of thing, but Top Gear America's hosts screwed it up. I should watch a show and have the comments coming out of my mouth not be

"Why am I not getting paid to do this? I can pretend to be an absolute dumbass on TV too!"

Seriously, what the hell did these guys do to get where they are....because I can do it too.

Seriously, I could do better, and not only that, I could pick two of my many car knowledgeable friends to co-host, and not only would us garage born, trial and error by wrench car enthusiasts be better with the cars, we would be better with making the show interesting and the audience like us and WANT to watch the show.

Dear Top Gear America: I can do better. Stop making me think you are produced by the same people who produce "Jersey Shore"

Dear Original Top Gear: You rock. Please continue brightening my day.

This is here because it is pretty.

Subarus...

Subaru

Subaru cars are one of the most popular cars here in Western Montana. Easily one can look out the window and in the traffic around them, see at the very least 3. They’re fuel efficient, smart, fast, have plenty of room for your dogs or kids or outdoor gear. Their AWD capabilities and decent ground clearance make them ideal for both snowy and dirt road conditions. My aunt, cousin, grandparents all own one of the breed.

I have to ask, then, why do 99% of Subaru drivers in this town seem to be stupid, useless people?

With all seriousness, I get cut off or almost hit by a Subaru rushing the light or trying to merge and turn way to close to the intersection every day. They race around, drive too slow or are right on your trailer hitch, and generally disregard the rules of the road.

Why? Do they, the drivers, feel because of the “alternative, conscientious and green” image that is in their mind that they can get away with being idiots on the road?

And if the normal Subaru driver is bad, then there are really no words on how horrible and stupid WRX drivers seem to be. A WRX pulled up next to me today at a light, white with big shiny wheels and low profile tires, blasting bump music with some young 20 year old guy wearing his hat sideways pretending he is all king on the mountain. There are half a dozen cars in front of us when the light turns green, and I take off. A 30 year old Forest Service Special Dodge 4x4 with a six cylinder and a top speed of about 65, and this kid feels the need to race it. Up come the revs, that little car winds up and he kicks the gas. Tires shriek and he blasts past for…..30 feet, before slamming on his brakes to avoid the minivan he’s about to slam into. As I close the distance with him in the left lane, he throws his car in front of my truck, scant feet in front of 3 tons of iron, and proceeds to cause me to slam on my brakes, which causes the person behind me and the next and next and so on.

WHY? What was the point of this display and recklessness? Because you own a fast car? Because you are hip and drive an import? Seriously, I don’t understand.

Blah, another day in the life of a Missoula Subaru.

Beautiful Sunny Days.

Today in Missoula Montana was stunning. 64 Degrees, no clouds, no wind, just blue skies and sun and warmth. It was fantastic. Which makes me think about the things I love when it comes to cars and driving in the sun.

You know what the 3rd best thing about sunny beautiful days are? The long drives with the windows down. Just something about blasting along with the wind blowing through the
windows. Air Conditioning can keep you cool, but open windows are so much more fun. Plus, the wind is loud, so you have to turn your music up louder. The louder it gets, the more you want to sing with it, and the more fun you have. It all is win.

Best Thing, Number 2: Everyone with some sort of automotive toy or automotive guilty pleasure brings the Garage Queens out. Especially that first really nice day of spring. You know these people have been walking through their garages looking with forlorn glances at the shape under

the car cover, or under boxes, or months of dirt and dust. Poor Machines, locked away from their natural habitat, away from the roads and the thrill of being driven.

Course, that first nice day....

By a very very brief count today I saw: 1970 Pontiac GTO Judge, 1949 Ford F100, 1968 Chevy Impala, 2010 Chevy Camaro, 1971 Dodge Dart, 1970 Dodge Charger, a 19??? Rat Rod made of near everything, a 1920's Ford Model T, what looked like a 1940 Willys Coupe, numerous import racers, a number of Harleys, lots of crotch rockets and a pretty girl on a vintage Vespa.

All pretty, beautiful things (especially the girl on the vespa) , all out for the first time in several months. They were fantastic, some washed, water still beading on the pain, some still dusty from the garage, but all were just fantastic to look at. Makes me want one, or want to build one, or want to just work on one. It was great.

But, the best thing about the first sunny day....Number 1....

Dogs.

Seriously, Dogs. Every other car had the gleeful and stupid happy dog face hanging out

of it, ears and lips flapping in the breeze, just basking in the joy of it all. Most of the cars mentioned in Number 2? Yep, rocking the dog copilot whose duty was to man the windows in search of noms. Great fun.

My own dog, Adak, was loving every second of it, singing as the ambulance passed or just letting the wind play with his ears. Made my day just a world better if you ask me. Just the joy of driving with my dog with the radio on and adventure beckoning was enough to make me forget my woes and just relax, not let anything bother me.

I can't wait for the next sunny day.

Stickers...

We have all seen them: Stickers plastered all over the back of other people's cars. Some are cute, some clever, some are funny. Some show the travels that vehicle has been on. Lots are stupid. Lots are offensive. Too many are political.

I don't rightly know which ones I hate more...

I get the point of stickers, some of them anyway. I won't lie, I have them on my truck. All three are logos. One for my favorite Car TV show, one for the Flight School I attended, one is the emblem for my favorite beer (its called Powder Hound. The emblem is a husky, and it matches my dog), and the last is, well, another Flight school Logo. I don't notice them half the time. Then again, I don't really notice that my truck is three different shades of Forest Service Green...

Point is, I don't see any issue with those stickers. But some, I just have to wonder what the hell people were thinking.

For example, today I was driving back from whatever errand I was running and I drove past a mid-90's Ford pickup with a selection of these catchy or clever white vinyl stickers in the back window. The one that caught my eye at 30 mph in traffic though was the one the size of a lunchroom food tray.

The Confederate Flag, with the legend below it "Heritage Not Hate"

Um...Really?

Ok, I know that the Confederate flag is a huge part of Southern Culture. I am aware of their South's rally cry of "The South will rise again" or "Them Damn Yankees" etc etc etc. Everyone who flies it or has it on their wall or on their car sees

one thing: The South's pride in fighting for what they considered their freedom. Which coincidentally included the practice of slavery of African Americans. Note: Southerners and those who fly the confederate flag (Sterotype Rednecks, mostly) seem to forget that last part. Don't rightly know how, seeing as that is the only thing the rest of the world thinks about when that emblem is in view.

Associated History and the stigma that goes with it.

What makes this a good idea? Native Americans are proud of their heritage. Native pride stickers are pretty popular, or the eagle feathers or the circle with the cross in it (the correct term escapes me at the moment. it will hit me as soon as I post this).

Why don't we see, on cars owned by Natives, the Swastika?

Seriously, lots of native cultures used the swastika as a symbol reflecting the wheel of life. The chinese use of the swastika means good luck. The Indian Head emblem of the Lafayette Escadrille fighter group in World War 1 had a swastika in it, and that was painted on Allied fighter planes!

Why, then, are there no cars with such stickers.

Well, because the Nazi's screwed it all up, and thanks to the goose stepping idiots and the persona that was Adolf Hitler, the symbol is forever tainted by the association with the second world war. Cheers to guilt by associated history.....

Wait, stickers....Right. The guy driving that truck is now driving an argument instigator. Not only that, but has painted a picture of himself to other people that could be wrong. Hell, the guy could be a saint who rescues wee kitties and councils kids against drugs, but based on that sticker, people read into it as he is, simply, a racist dick.

The other person that fries my circuits is the person with 4000 political hatred and propaganda stickers plastered over every square inch of his trunk lid and back windows. Why? ObamaHilarySaddamPutinBushThatcherJohnsonwhoever is not going to take your guns or cheeze wiz away. You are just making up for the fact that you can't expand your view a little bit by plastering your car with adhesive.

Or the guy who has stickers the size of shoe boxes on every body panel with some condemning bible verse. Way to cause an accident, you and your 30 sentence long stickers that some people actually try to read while driving. What is the point of it? I get you are a fan of God, but a simple cross or "God Bless" will suffice in letting people know.

There are a grand number of others that bug me too. Huge titty porn stars with near no coverings (these DO NOT count as Pinups, as they are not tasteful in the slightest), obnoxious business banners, you know who you are *Cough Hippehatermx Cough* and others that I simply don't see the point of. I have to wonder what people are thinking when they put these stickers on. I highly doubt it is "If I put this sticker on my car, proclaiming that Santorum is our savior and that anyone who supports wolf reintroduction is a communist nazi, that people will look at me like I am a bigoted racist fool."

Which they will.

In the end, I know that it is all opinion. "Eatin' Fords, Shittin' Chevys" or what the hell ever people put on their car is a viewpoint or advertisement. And this being America, it is certainly the place you should be able to express that opinion.

I just wish I didn't have to read them while I am trying to enjoy my drive.

A New Experiment

Here is to the relationship between humans and their cars. Cars have become so much more to people in the last 60 years then what their purpose was originally. They reflect attitude, status, drive, passion, adventure and freedom. In this blog, I plan to share my own experiances and adventures in the automotive world, and see where it all ends up...